It’s been about 24 hours since the following has occurred. I woke up, and like most people under 50 I took to the restroom with phone in hand. I can’t drink coffee in the morning, so I’ve switched to social media to wake me up.
As I sit upon my porcelain throne, not on LinkedIn, my phone chirps to let me know something is receiving a message. I look for my little red 1 notification and find it is in LinkedIn.
I barely use LinkedIn. It’s for job hunting and interviewing for me. I click on it to refresh its feed every so often and congratulate folks on work anniversaries.
Anyway, I see I have a message in there and a man from the next town over who teaches music has sent me a Hello:
At this point, I believe it could be anything. I look up who he is on his profile before typing and see he is technically a colleague. I bet I work with people in my county who know him. Anyway, I figure we want to sell something, borrow something (for his kids) or collaborate on something. Us music folks do that. However….
I mean, is this the 1800’s? Am I supposed to simper? To gaze coyly through my digital lashes back at the man? I realize perhaps he did not know I am married. It does not say I am married on my LinkedIn and why should it? It’s a professional platform. Facebook used to be a professional platform and look at it now.
So anyway I figured I’d shut this down. It’s the morning and I am tired. Let’s nip this and move on. Easy mistake, right? (Plus that picture is like 6 years old)
Now. Now. I did not respond after this point. I called my husband over to read this and he says, “this guy must have been hacked.” (Ah my charming good looks via 5ish years ago cannot be the reason dear husband? Lol)
“Why?” I ask, genuinely wondering where this idea of his has come from.
“Well this is a professional community. I think I’ve worked with this guy before. He’d never do that.” He says, and begins to brush his teeth.
As I contemplate this, I ask, “Well if you do know him, message him and let him know his account is hacked!” I say. Why? Because then he can say, “my wife received a message from your LinkedIn account and I think you’ve been hacked brother.” Which really gives this guy a warning to back off, that we speak to one another and maybe, just maybe, my husband is right and the poor soul has been hacked.
So my man goes online and it is NOT the guy from the next town that he knows but another guy that of course is in our circle of educators. Curious, I take to FB. The picture I discover matches the LinkedIn and I see in his photos a picture of him and possibly and young son standing over a casket of a beautiful woman. Now. I don’t know if that’s a family member but the comments lead me to believe it was his wife. Recently.
Now I don’t know. Was it a booty call? Was it just a bereaved husband who needed a talk?
Except why start off with “beautiful?” Why when told I am married continue on? Why not immediately say “no no! You misunderstand,” instead of the cocky side eye and all that?
Or maybe I don’t know the whole story and I’m just not supposed to. Maybe he still is married in a sense or maybe she is alive and well and that’s his sister.
Is it my place to take it any further?
Should I posted his name all over the place?
I think, if he had messaged any further and was disrespectful, I would have seriously considered it.(When I said “Married.” And instead he responded that I was a mean bitch, or what have you, I might have)
If he was married, did I have an obligation to go out and hunt down his wife in solidarity and sisterhood?
I might have. I might have looked her up and seen, do they have kids? Would my posting ruin her life or the lives of her kids? Would it be better to message her my meager evidence on FB?
Or would that even be my place?
My investigations left me with more questions. Before I investigated, I asked a friend and she said if he had been rude, absolutely go out and make a fuss but since he wasn’t, leave it alone. You don’t know whose lives you are impacting as collateral. Do the children deserve the backlash that the parent receives? Would you as a wife want your husband’s infidelity splashed on Twitter?
Maybe not. I’d like a private message that he was a dog (think Bill Clinton), personally.
Whatever his motivations, I’m glad he understood what I was getting at. He didn’t message me again. He didn’t look me up on FB or try to be friends in other ways. He got the message and cockily let it go, but let it go he did.
If you received such a message what would you do? I’d love to know in the comment below! Hope everyone is doing well, and I’ll talk to you again soon!