If We Were Having Drinks…

I would order a hot coca. It’s just turning crisp in the mornings here. There are crunchy leaves that blow away in the morning when I open my little blue door. There is woodsmoke in the air and I have to wear at least a sweater or I won’t survive morning bus duty.

Fall has truly fallen upon us, swiftly it seems.

Things are moving swiftly in my professional life too. We are FINALLY back to school after being absent for a month. Students were ready to be back but as one student put it, “Wait… we have to come back tomorrow?” (Bless 10 year olds) Students are feeling like the first nine weeks shouldn’t count so why are we here? Except they do… and I do not know if it’s (the nine weeks) has been extended or not. We would have had a teacher workday this Friday for the end of the grading period, to put in final grades, but they canceled it Friday night. This tells me, in my limited experience that they are extending the 9 weeks, possibly by a week or two… or more.

We will see. I am not trying to compact 4 weeks of guitar/Music classes and Band into a week just in case. I can only do what I am able to do.

Which reminds me…

Lately, there has been an epic (well to me) about face. You see, it maybe because most of us ladies are taught if we are confrontational, if we defend ourselves verbally and firmly that we come off as a bitch. I personally didn’t care in college. I was free damn it and I was going to live. I think a lot of people liked that about me then.

As I became a professional, I was smashed a lot. I fought it too. I hated my job but I was a teacher. I went to school for this. I just had to work so hard they would see my worth…

I’m sorry, but I was so very…. naïve!

A lot of things I thought and felt were challenged in the last 3 years and I didn’t rise up. I was tired. I made myself very small so I could fit into a lot of little boxes. I didn’t make waves that way. Now don’t get me wrong, I still pissed PLENTY of people off. I was still my loud obnoxious self, I just kept a lot of my opinions to myself, I didn’t challenge anyone, and I certainly didn’t correct anyone’s misconceptions. I’d like to tell you that worked out for me but….

Today, a person I work with said, (when I mentioned I had a strong personality) “I kind of always thought you were a wimp.”

And though, as far as friends go, and I suppose we ARE friends, they have not seen anything to the contrary. I don’t challenge them. I don’t voice my opinion loudly and I defer to them simply because they they have been there A LOT longer than me. (I told them as such) Until I know more I like to be underestimated. Keeps people from suspecting the deviousness from within.

But it also causes people to be utter assholes to me and expect me to take it. And I’m so done with that shit. I give you, the noodle incident.

They look yummy, don’t they?

I ordered a seafood noodle dish, see above, and was brought a seafood noodle dish as a soup. The waitress argued with me when I told her, “this is not what I ordered.”

This happens to me a lot. Stupid crap where someone else makes a mistake, or forgets, skims over my work and makes an uninformed decision or dismisses me as unworthy or unintelligent or perhaps the type to cause a useless fuss. People talk over me. People shove me aside verbally or physically. People talk down to me based on appearance or a host of other reasons. I’m starting to notice it more and more.

So the noodles. She starts to argue with me. I shut her down and without a menu present I tell her the exact layout of the menu, how the soups are on the front but the noodles are on the back. That I made sure to tell her numerous times I wanted the sea food noodle dish, with the udon noodles. I even listed the veg, which is different for each dish.

She looked at me like was speaking in Greek. She grabbed my meal and scurried off to get me what I had ordered.

She was going to make me eat that. Argue about it and make me eat it. Yes, because she did a great job otherwise we tipped her our usual 20% but seriously. That wasn’t cool.

This isn’t the only instance (just the only one with delicious noodles as a reward) where this has happened. This was the first one my husband was present and you know what he said, “You kind of came off as a Bi..” which I cut him off and said “no. No, you don’t argue with a customer like that and you hear me say noodle dish from the noodle action and I even pointed to it on the menu when she took the order. I was stern. I was not a bitch.”

And I wasn’t.

I think that it’s okay to say no. To defend someone when something is clearly wrong. It’s also okay to defend yourself. Even in stupid little noodle situations. Obviously, keeping the reaction in proportion to the situation is important.

Like saying no, when you produce something that is your best work and you are asked to change it extensively. Lie that time I reviewed a company and they wanted me to change my opinion of their product (which was actually a very good product but the website was hard to work with on a mobile.)

When someone assumes that just because you did it once, you have to do it again. Alright then, the first time I volunteered. I don’t mind doing it again because I am for the cause. This time I have some stipulations like, being able to read the handwritten things I need to transfer to excel documents.

But I still fail like when I didn’t question a miss-marked price on a sheet of plexiglass, and the price difference was large. I questioned the cashier but she seemed to know what she was talking about. Luckily, a friend was along and said, “no that’s not right,” and we got it fixed.

The cashier was dismissing me just like so many others and I deferred. Again.

I just don’t like stress. But I am so very tired of all this bullshit people put on me.

I’m practicing my “No’s,” and I am trying to change my outward confidence. I think this will be good not only for me, but my family.

I am tired of being careful to not rock to boat. I am tired of being so very careful of everyone else’s feelings.

I think it’s also leached into my professional life. So I have aligned all of my goals for this year to improve communication, and the overall relationship I have with students. I will be a Kinder and Gentler Mrs.G who won’t have time for your bull crap but still encourages you with positive challenges. Most importantly, she won’t just pick and choose her battles for ease.

I called a parent Thursday right in the middle of class. Didn’t care if it was a problem, though it wasn’t. It doesn’t matter if it was a hassle. I doesn’t matter if we lost instructional time. Oh well. I wasn’t about to waste my time after school calling. Done. D-O-N-E. This doesn’t mean I will be crazy. It means that I will be tougher on me and the kids.

Basically I am awesome and they will know it by the end of the year. I have full support from my co-teacher.

It is however, time to go, and my coca has run out. I would give you a hug, I’m a hugger, and possibly convince you you needed to snag a pastry before you left. I do love bear claws. Know I appreciate your listening ear, and while I plan to kick butt and take names, I do apologize if my language offended you today. When I get passionate I curse. Not sure if I will fix that or not, in the future. There is something appealing about being like Betty White when I am older.

Much love!

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