It's time for Media Monday! If you're new to Media Monday, once a week I show you to cool media I've discovered on the internet. We all have different friends, interests and hobbies so it's possible I have discovered a gem you have missed!
This week, I'm changing it up because while I saw some pretty good content this week, nothing hit me like this video here:
I saw this video first on my dear friend Drangonflylady77's FB (here's a link to her blog).
How often I looked at myself in the mirror and said how fat I was, how round, unattractive and useless I was. How my teeth were crooked and "rat like" (not having dental appointment for 20 years can make your teeth look a bit yellow).
I remember convincing myself that if I could just lose 30 pounds I would be pretty. Pretty much every adult would say so. So I tried Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, Pedometers, calorie counting. weighing my food, and portion control (though admittedly, sometimes I feel the portions control me).
It took a brain tumor that wouldn't let me lose weight for me to realize I didn't like myself very much.
It took some friends leaving for me to reflect on my overall actions and habits. It took me leaving some friends to change some of my negative thoughts about myself ("Katt, don't smile this time! It's so ugly when you smile!" Right before prom I was told this!).
I had to exist with myself, and it sucked. Who wants to hang out with a voice that constantly degrades, belittles, and mocks others? Oh wait, that was my inner self talking about myself.
If this brilliant concept above, saying those same things about any of my friends… I would kick someone arse if they said these things about any of my friends at any point in my life!
So why, wouldn't I be mad at people for telling me this, or upset with myself yelling me this? Why is it okay to talk crap about myself and not others?
Well, simply because I love them so much (or loved as the case may be). I would fight to the death for all of my near and dears if need be.
But would I be willing to do them same for me?
Self worth is a process. It's a process that takes time. I guess I had help because for a while I wasn't sure how much time that would be. (I suppose we never know but having the knowledge of something so scary inside you can quicken that idea a bit)
I didn't have loads of people around giving me positive reinforcement everyday. I also didn't have loads of people telling me how I needed to improve my self ("Just loose 10 more pounds, it's easy!"). I had to decide for myself what I loved and hated.
Once alone, I could be honest. I am fat. I could be fatter. I could be 70 lbs lighter. Do I want to be lighter though? Or do I just want to be healthy? Do I want to agonize over ounces and calories or if I can make it up and down the stairs easily? What if I could play a game of Basketball without my inhaler? What if I could take long walks with my family?
I don't like my hair. Why do I cut it short? What if I grew it out? Styled it?
What if I just did things I was afraid to do because people kept telling me how to think so much they became my inner voice?
Do you think children, and I mean children not preteens tell themselves these things? No. Adults do. No one is born feeling inadequate. We are given this gift by others. When you are a kid being different is precious. Why does that end when we get older?
Now, I do absolutely whatever I want. I don't style my hair. I wear it a medium length. When I feel lighter and healthier, I enjoy it. If I feel heavy and big I take a nap or I read and I Love Myself.
I wear make up even though everyone I run into (not friends) tells me, "You don't need it." Well maybe not, but I do enjoy it. So why not do it?
I enjoy cake.
I enjoy flax seeds.
I love being plus sized and wearing dresses.
I don't really care if my thighs touch, I wear shorts.
I love the vegitarian option more often than not.
I love myself even though I'm larger than the average woman my age.
I am worthwhile. I am beautiful.
And so are you! Change your inner voice. Don't wait until the doctors go all doom and gloom on you. Look in the mirror. You like something about you. Enhance it. Bring it out. Make it bold. Then start looking for other things.
I have a nicely rounded arse. I do damn it. Just because it's a whooping 65 inches doesn't make it less delightful. (It makes it more so 😉)
I have cellulite. You know what goes well with cellulite? Experience. A good life. Standing for 12 hours a day. Cellulite is a badge of honor man.
Someday, someday I might choose to do something "about my body." I might get surgery. I might get lipo. I might become a health nut. And I might not.
It really might not , No, it really does not matter!
You might you might not and it Does.👏🏼 Not.👏🏼 Matter.👏🏼
In the end, generally, when you die you don't take people with you. It's you. And truly it is all about you. So love you. Love you like you love the other precious people in your life, because you are precious and you should be precious to you too.
Enjoy your week my friends, you are handsome, beautiful, amazing people and I claim the lot of you! Go forth and spread the love in any manner you choose! (I don't judge! I also don't need explicit details 😉)