So, I kinda felt sideways about my post yesterday. I 100% focused on my earthy feelings and excuses. I even blamed the human side of the equation the Bishop and President of my Branch- only gave me this calling due to my profession. So I posted my feelings, because good or bad I do have a right to my feelings. I managed to get to church 1/2 way through the sacrament (instead of missing it completely like last week) and find a seat on the side.
Then, God got me. The Bishop stood up and being Fast and Testimony Sunday, he shared his testimony. He is a military man, still active, and though he has daughters grown, he and his wife were blessed with a newborn. He says last night he woke up to rock and care for the baby and he received this strong impression from Heavenly Father. He had the impression that he had to talk about callings within our church/Branch. He went on to say callings were a sacrifice at times but very rewarding. He also went on to say that if others wished to be called they were more than welcome to come forward and as with all callings pray for insight and guidance on where to place someone.
At this point, I figure, one, this message wasn’t completely directed at me, and two, you better believe I listened. I feel like the first half was a gentle reminder. I was asked to do this calling not because they don’t have someone else, they have PLENTY of people who can wave their arms around and sing on pitch. (I have to say my church is quite musical.) I was chosen because I needed it. I was chosen because people prayed and God said, “Well there she is.”
So after that gentle reminder Sunday morning, I went through Sunday School and then made my way to Primary. I went through 9 or so songs with the kids and it went so well. Mostly because I had the church pianist there, who is self-taught and can read music and can sight read pretty darn good! She added so much this week, I know it’s a lot (I mean she does the hymns during the service, and then to ask her to do 9+ more might be stressful on top of her career and her actual calling). I just completely appreciated what she added which made my music time run so smoothly. I hope she can continue to help, even though it’s not her job. I’m going to do my best to become more fluent on the piano so maybe I can be a secondary help to get some day. (And it’s going to be some day in the future cause I am the slowest piano learner/player EVER)
So I left Primary today feeling like I actually did something. Like okay, maybe I can do this. Maybe it wasn’t such a crazy idea after all. Maybe.
I’ve already planned the songs for next week. I’m going to work on knowing the words better, and hand gestures and all that. I’ll also work on lines two and three of the year song. It’s supposed to go faster than I’ve been playing it…😓 but baby steps!