I‘m feeling cluttered lately, yes of course I am buried under Thomas the Tank Engine, Doc McStuffins, and Mickey Mouse themed toys; I am cluttered in other ways.
I get itchy, metaphorically speaking, to remove, clear out, and unburden myself. Maybe it’s a Back-to-School purge?
I start a flurry of activity around the house, I plan visits, I fit as much living as I can into a week or month and then I’m all full.
Time to retreat and release!
My mind is full of what to do next week; I can say I’m excited about the annual Back-to-School County Staff Meeting. Yes of course I enjoy the obligatory outstanding inspirational speaker- never had one let me down! Yes, I am excited to see where the Teacher of the Year went (Africa? Brazil? Lithuania?) and explored and learned, they always take great pictures and I love hearing the foreign music.
It’s great. The seats are hard and I’m taller than the 1970’s High School student auditorium seats allow. Afterwards, we get lunch and gab. Love that too.
But my mind is not there. It’s in my classroom, focused on the 30+ boxes I need to unpack, the Instruments I need to swab and clean again, the inventories I must check (stuff gets stolen over break, generally), the Sylubi I must create and print….
It’s not focused on getting-to-know-you meetings.
Never going to happen.
Then of course, upcoming bills, birthdays, shopping, church, cat items, all fit into the cracks in my mind. Plus naked-back-to-school-but-I’m-A-Student-in-kindergarten-again anxiety dreams or Suddently-I’ve-lost-my-classroom-management-skills aniexty dreams make their annual appearance.
My heart is feeling things I wish it weren’t, bitter are some memories that are floating to the surface. You know how much I hate Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda feelings.
Seriously, move outta the doorway. These feelings are in relation to multiple subjects, people, and some are even towards a group of people. Just when you think you’ve reconciled, your heart (and mind) dredge something back up.
So I guess I have more forgiveness to dole out than I thought.
My soul is cluttered. I can’t let what everyone says or thinks become apart of my personal dogma; I’ve done my research, and I cannot forget that. These folks trying to confuse me honestly think they are right. Woopie for them. I know the cartoon below is perhaps in defense of becoming an atheist (unsure) but, it applies to me right now too.
Heck I’ve held my peace when I’ve been told being Mormon is just a phase, heck, I’ve acknowledged that just to let them know I’m not brainwashed. I can leave when I want. But I don’t want to.
Moreover, these new missionaries don’t understand Ry. They are pushing him. They want him baptized in the church. They want him sealed with the family.
No pressure. Pfftt.
Not cool. I want my understanding missionaries back.
They are almost trying to guilt him by alluding to the idea that if we aren’t sealed together, I won’t get into the proper tier of heaven.
Maybe God will say to me come judgement, “You should have pushed Ry more,” or “You didn’t live by example well enough.” But somehow…
Honestly? I can’t make anyone do anything.
Religion is personal. If they aren’t careful, they are going to depress the crap out of me and drive Ry completely away.
The point is, I’ve read differently. From the source so…. There!
Maybe they shouldn’t visit for awhile.
Anyway. Cluttered up.
So generally when I feel cluttered I clean a lot, sleep little, and worry a bunch. Thus the circle of life continues.
(If you were wondering, the beginning song says, “Father! It’s a lion! It’s a lion, Father!” And then they chant “It’s a lion, it’s a lion,” over and over in the background. The more you know! 🌈
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