Trust


If there is suddenly a lull in postings on AoS, you can bet In wrestling with something. It might be news I can’t wait to share, but have to keep under wraps. It might be stress that’s weighing down on me so much that I can’t think of anything to say.

Whatever the reason is, I just can’t blog. I also tend to bury myself in silly posts, videos, and shows on Facebook and Hulu.

So basically I become a withdrawn sloth beast:


A cute, cute sloth beast of uselessness.

On Wednesday/ Thursday (can’t remember) I received the news that my position at JSE was approved by the school board.

This is big news. Huge news. Life changing news.

The last time I accepted life changing news, it brought me to TMS. I’m sure, once some years have passed, I’ll remember the more wonderful times. Right now I remember the tough months, depression, and fear.

I remember not having enough food to eat, my husband being depressed with lack of prospects and adjusting to a completely foreign place.

We have a kid now and an extra pet!

We’re:


As they say.

We can BARELY afford to move. BARELY. We are $410 short. I might be able to figure it out. We pay our taxes a little extra during the 10 months while they save a portion of our pay for the summer months. It’s something you have to elect to do. Because I pay extra taxes during the year, over the summer the money that would tax, is instead in my checks. It’s not a lot, but combined with the money that’s not coming out for daycare (no daycare during the  summer) it might just work.

The hope is, we won’t cut into food money.

Except the little I have saved… Contains the money for food this month…

We have some food in the pantry. However, fresh milk, sandwhich materials, and small things to supplement… Still costs money.

Hotdogs and chicken nuggets people, toddler diet staples.


However. However, as I’ve said before, we fear the unknown. I assume this time, I chase after a job and the same disasters happen. I assume we will be miserable. I assume ultimately, it will be a failure. I assume much.

No you may have been with me long enough to remember, that the doctors swore up and down I’d never get pregnant and if I did, I’d lose the baby. If I managed to carry full term somehow, I could die.

I decided inspite of that, it was a miracle that I was pregnant and that God would not allow me to die or the baby. I had my worries still but I trusted.

And I have me a beautiful little boy:


(Today was a hot, chill-in-your- diaper-day for CDubs)

And I prayed about getting a job in this harboresq town. I specifically applied to the elementary because it would be a wonderful change of pace.

And……

⛵️⛵️⛵️CDubs loves boats⛵️⛵️⛵️

🏫🏫The schools are better🏫🏫

I know taking this job will cause issues within my school system. I know I have friends in the education system I am putting in a bind and letting down. It makes me feel bad.

There are friends and family that want us to move closer to the various places they live. There are a lot. Some, are moving in under a year themselves, military, but just recommend the area.

Then there are forces of nature, aka people, who will not take this well.

So why?

Well, I’m known for my honesty. On my blog at least. I know, the friends that care, want us to tell them personally first, but I don’t want to interrupt vacations. Sure, I bet they’d pick up, but they deserve this break.

But honestly, this whole situation kind of has to do with going somewhere else to enjoy peace. There is not peace in my house. There is not peace in my marriage- not that I’ve enjoyed for a bit.

We’ve grown apart:


Not in the “it’s over,” kind of way. It’s more like, I nag all the time. What I nag about makes sense to me. It even makes sense to him.

Imagine, two people, same job, same education but one seems to have more success. Even if the “successful,” spouse tries to helps the other, get help for the other, foster change- it’s resented after awhile. “Why does it work for them, but not me?”

It leaks into other areas of your life you know.

It probably doesn’t help that I’m the one with the call back, the job offer.

He admits, maybe trying something outside public education maybe the key.

There are no opportunities for him here in L-Town. We tried that years ago and it’s worse now. R-County in general is not filled with opportunites. S-County either.

They are consolidating schools in both places, cutting jobs and moving things.

So starting fresh, as scary as that is, is the only way. (I’m changing Wboro to Wville cause Wboro sounds way too much like Westboro and those folks freak me out)

So moving, starting fresh in a place surrounded by 2 medium sized towns and a hopskip from a large bustling acedemic area- lots of opportunites. He’s always wanted his Master’s degree. They have a great Masters in Music program there.

I just see more possibilites if we move to Wville or GCity.

So, on Tuesday, Ry is going to PSHS to get his things. I am picking S’s brain- she has amazing advice-  and I am writing an email to HR, one to my supervisor, and one to my would be principal. At this point, telling them the truth (supervisor and principal), can’t be seen as unprofessional. I think, though I am just a blip to them surely, an explanation is a good thing. I appreciate what they have done for me.

But I think my marriage, my future, my family has to override those loyalties.

Ry will also email HR.

I will trust, like I have done in the past, in Heavenly Father. I will keep praying up a storm.

I need boxes. I need help packing.

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11 thoughts on “Trust

  1. It’s a lot of deal with, for sure, but you’re right, you have to do what is right for YOUR family, you, Ry and CDubs. All those people wanting you to move closer to them are not the ones paying your rent or your bills.
    Wville sounds like it’s full of possibilities and opportunities!!
    I’d help with the packing if I could but I have my own to get started on, as you know. Ugh. (though I hate unpacking even worse).

    Liked by 1 person

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