You see, I was working recently, during a particularly troublesome time. Field trips, and student events and projects everywhere. I am generally a good sport; I’ll help watch a class, answer phones every once in a while. Everybody needs help. Once again, a substitute situation occurs and I have to help take up the slack. Again, it’s cool it happens.
As I am trying, Keyword trying, to give directions I say the stupidest thing:
Y’all need to stop talking while I’m talking. I’m a teacher, what I have to say is important. You need these directions in order to do your work. What I have to say is important.
Oh words. While true, they are so tricky.
immediately, I receive a quiet but defiant, “No, it isn’t.”
Red. I saw red. I yelled “Get your stuff and get out of my room!”
“Woah, she is mad,” they gasped.
Yeah, I’m human. This tiny, stupid exchange was the straw. (The straw that broke the camel’s back – is the saying)
I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit. I quit.
I cannot do this any longer. The few breakthroughs, few relationships, the impact versus the stress; this school…
I don’t deserve the treatment I’ve received this year, the harassment and the disrespect. I know it’s different at other schools. If it’s not at least if I move to a larger town I’ll have a richer outside life. CDubs will have the chance to be educated well. We will have a chance to be happier.
I’ve learned so much here. Grown so much. But I feel in my heart and through prayers, it’s time to take a step out. I might not find a new placement this summer. Just the act of trust and trying, I feel is an excellent start.
Who knows? I think looking and even failing will teach me a lot. What matters is I’m going to do it; get my resume out there.
It’s okay to want better, to move on when needed.
I have no money to move and start fresh but I’m going to at least try.
I can at least try.