I think that my whole life has been about wondering, questioning, learning, and accepting/ understanding. I’m far away from being perfect, and I constantly make mistakes. Yet, in spite of that, I have loving friends and family who accept me anyway. I would like to think, for the most part in spite of my flaws, I accept and show I love them too.
I’ve gone a lot of my life being told how, when, and how much I do or do not love God. I’ve accepted that my efforts towards showing devotion have been seen as just that, efforts. I’ve been petted on the head and told, “I hope enthusiasm counts for you Katherine.” So I’ve skirted religion, avoided unpopular topics because I was always found lacking. Though I think these people never meant any harm, I truly believe that. It just hurt, what was I missing? Why don’t I ever measure up?
Then I moved really, really South in North Carolina. I couldn’t be PC about religion. It’s EVERYWHERE in Rob Co.
Everyone wants to talk about all religions, understand them, or even question them. I met a huge group of coworkers that helped guide me to understand that effort does count because frankly, people are not the judge on how well and much you love God.
Religion is personal. It’s private, and between you and your God(s). It’s okay to stumble and fall. It’s okay to read your Bible and discover for yourself what it is or is not actually saying (instead of relying on what someone else says- which I was very guilty of). Questions are good because they bring understanding, self knowledge and understanding and acceptance.
I’ve been studying a lot lately.
Today, for the first time in 29 years, I’m being Baptized. A baptism is just a promise between you and God. It’s a step. Once I hit the waters, I don’t expect my worries to leave, to pop out with super powers and the ability to speak in tongues. I won’t be able to fly, or suddenly become a bigot or any negative example of Christianity you can imagine.
I am expecting to make a promise to God, that I love Him, that I trust Him, and that He is my God. I will do my best to follow His commandments, and if I fall, He will pick me right back up.
You might see more scriptures on FB and Instagram. I’ve been studying a lot lately. You might see that I’m openly attending church in Sunday. I’m trying to curse less too… Lol! I’m not ashamed, and I’m also very happy to be a church goer 🙂
But what I want you to see is, I am still Katherine. I still think my friends are the best. I still love everyone. My blog is still a place where I’ll share CDub’s triumphs, and my frustrations. I love teaching, and I will still regale you with silly impossible student stories. I’m still going to be that awkward, geeky, strange girl who loves Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Manga, writing, kitties, and all that. I just have finally taken care of my spiritual side.
And frankly, I’m excited 🙂 it’s time 🙂 I’m taking a personal step, and I am glad I’ve decided I am enough. My opinion matters.
I hopefully won’t bust my butt in the baptismal fount (Oh you know you could see me, all in white taking out me and my dunker. You know you can. That won’t change either… Sigh)…