I can’t.

I‘m trying to keep myself occupied.

It’s silly because I knew. I’ve been having bad pain, “stressed induced.” Couldn’t figure out what stress that could be, and yet, here I am reeling from news, that I felt I was already holding on these painful shoulders.

Funny thing that.

I was trying to get into the community tonight and just read, but my eyes wouldn’t focus. I know I’m almost 30, but it’s still not something I want to deal with. I don’t want to adult.

It’s not my news, so I can’t share. I can be profoundly sad with mortality because it’s been thrust into my face again, and I’m not ready.

I’m not going to be good company this week. I’m sorry that’s been true the past 3 due to sickness, but this is on another level.

Is it so wrong to think, “oh the things…. The things that could happen? Oh how I feel about them, how I think it’s unfair, How an I going to deal, I I I I!”

So very selfish ugh. It should be about them.

Lots of prayers towards this person please, lots of healing, lots of hope.

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