We are on day 2, of the 3 day quite challenge! I am taking the days liberally here, CDubs is sick again and I’ve been a dutiful mummy (oh the cuddles are priceless!) and helped him get well.
Don’t forget my taskmaster bekitschig who gave me task! I charge anyone who cares to, to take the 3 day quote challenge! Three quotes, 3 days!
I wrote to Dear Prudence many years ago, and unloaded as succinctly as possible my troubles. She was kind enough not to answer on the column, but to take the time to personally email me. She said something that changed my world.
Why do you have to forgive her? As she asked for forgiveness for what she did?
Well, huh. Do I have too? Well no, I don’t have to do anything. I don’t. I am not required.
That idea rolled around for a bit.
Then I thought about her. She never once acknowledged anything happened. Never acknowledged a strike or hit. Will deny it possibly until death.
Does the denial make it less true? Does it make it less real?
I realized, I was expecting, waiting for her to come to me one day, tears and sadness asking for forgiveness. I was actually angry it was taking her so long.
I realized, it’s not going to happen. It is more important to her, that she keeps this veil of falsehood over 15 years of her life. Whatever her motives may be. She will never say, “I went to far, I was wrong, I am sorry.”
Knowing that, was almost like permission to have feelings. Everyone says honor thy mother and father. Love them, respect them. To feel any other way is un Christian, monstrous. More monstrous than the monster themselves.
Sometimes you need that one person to say, “It’s okay.”
I took that, I held it in my mind. I created boundaries, limits on what I would allow. I had that right.