I can’t say my heart is black, but I can say it’s Lilly white either.
I fixate and allow things that don’t matter to take over my thoughts. Then I become bitter and jealous and frankly, ridiculous.
I went on my husband’s Facebook for the first time in months and within 10 minutes I was stewing over inconsequential crap.
I was sitting there stewing over people’s good fortune, over people’s opinions I disagreed with, with my own inadequacy.
As a friend once said, “People only show the best of themselves on social media.”
As a blogger I admire once said about my blog, (paraphrasing here, can’t find the comment) I enjoy your blog because you are truthful and you don’t hide anything, no matter how it looks or the subject matter, you freely tell it like it is. (Something to that effect.)
It’s true, I used to cover up the truth, my feelings, loads of things. It’s what I was taught. I decided to be a more open person once I reached college.
I have discovered in my journey to tell the truth about myself, I have a great many ugly, dirty bits. I do.
So how does one clean one’s heart?
I think a person must evaluate what they believe a truly good heart, a clean or clear heart is.
I bet it’s different for everyone.
Then think about those flaws, those dirty pieces of yourself you lock away:
All the unstable things we cast away into the core of ourselves, because who truly takes the time to go that deep? No many anymore.
We scream “Love me! But don’t look! Accept me but I don’t want to see it. Let’s pretend it’s not there.”
But it’s there, in your heart.
It just needs love.
Arrogance to acceptance of virtues and flaws.
Greed to contentment of what one has or does.
Want to fulfillment when you realize there is more to life than the material, physical, social.
Fear to strength because love fortifies and protects.
Bitterness to objectivity to clear mindedness, what others have is not for us to covet or lust for, we all have wonders in our own lives.
Sadness to happiness knowing you truly are not alone there are people near or far that love you too. You yourself are so worthwhile because you are here living. You are somebody’s joy. You have brought and will bring happiness.
Loneliness to connected sharing friends who may just be waiting for you to emerge from these dark places back into the wold.
A clean heart performs its primary function, to sustain your life. It must be hard to beat for years, never stopping until it wears itself out. Always pumping, providing giving.
A clean heat emotionally loves and loses, but it lets the rough things go, grudges, fixations, obsessions, hatred, jealousy, bitterness…..
Hearts are not meant to harbor those things. It clogs and gums up the works.
I hope dearly one day my heart is clean. I pray it is so. We shall see. Living Tiny, heart edition (lol!).