Building Up Your Spouse

I am person that believes in God. A lot of that is based on some hellfire preaching of my youth, and my earnest wish to be a good woman in my  recent present (the last 10 years). I have been lead to believe most of my life, that I am not good enough to go to heaven, family, friends, pastors, parishioners, strangers have all confirmed this. Yet, in the past 15 or so years, a gentler God and Son was introduced to me. I really wanted to know more which was met with a lot of “ours are not to question whys.” I mean think about the God of Moses who rightfully lost his people in the desert for generations. Then think of the God people speak of now forgiving of your past and derelict ways.

“Well God changed, as humans grew so did he.”

“No, God doesn’t change. He’s perfect.”

“…… Then…?”

It can’t be that God was very hard on just the Jews. I mean…

This is probably why I don’t get invited to lunch. I believe in God, I do. There is just too much proof not to. But I’m not this amazing Christian woman. I don’t worship right, say the right things, I’ve been to busy for choir this summer… Who is too busy to sing about God?!

Yet I earnestly pray every night long conversations and sharing hopes and asking for understanding.

I see people like Candice Cameron Bure and I think, “Why can’t I be like her, believe like she does. She seems so free so knowing.”

And I’m not. I want to know why. I need to know why.

Anyway, sometimes while searching the world (ie the interwebs) I come across faith-based things that make absolute sense. Maybe I’d change how it was worded, like this should say 6 Ways to build up your spouse, but this isn’t my graphic. However The Time-Warp Wife (let’s do the time warp again!) has a point:

 Does it really hurt to listen to your spouse? They may be so wrong, so very deeply wrong (*smacks self*) but! It doesn’t hurt to listen. At my teacher development a woman brought up instead of listening and saying , “yes, but…” let’s try “yes, and…” It cannot hurt to listen!

  • Make an effort to be cheerful… Oye vey, that’s a tough one for me. I’ve been thinking all about the why he doesn’t deserve X, Y, and Z because…. I’ve been babying him to the extremes. What would a teacher do to get results from a crabby student? KTWK (kill them with kindness!) of course. Even if they don’t deserve it, in your mind. Positivity is catching I hear….
  • Ignore their faults, after all I know what they are. I also have an idea how to help with those faults. Maybe praising what they do well and taking note of that may again, lean towards a positive outlook for us both.
  • Dude, my husband asks me every morning how he looks. I tell him. Then I ask and get “I dunno…” Or “You look nice.” Perhaps the bedtime he asks I’ll say he looks as radiant as the buttocks on a virgin unicorn. Helpful? Also we both work really hard to provide for our family. I can acknowledge that!
  • I can tell you what I want, what I really want…. But I can tell you what I have. We shouldn’t settle for the worst of ourselves but we can ask for the best (which needs to be within human limits!)
  • I need to pray about this last one. I am quick to anger. Mostly because I’m tired of things. He’s tired of things too. Maybe we need a nap and a goal reevaluation. And a hug.

What do you guys think? Legit rules or just way off base? I have to go be domestic, dinner awaits!



  1. honestme363

    Legit. KTWK works well too. Most times,when I am frustrated, I do hug it out. It helps to dissipate the anger boiling under my surface. And I usually wait a bit before opening my mouth and barking at him. Mantra-hug,snuggle, speak. I find it hard to be super angry when I am wrapped in his arms and when he drives me nuts, I can just squeeze him harder. Hope that makes sense.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. honestme363

        No, you just learn to live with them better. Acceptance for who they are and how they think goes a long way. And working on a project together…the most thing to remember is to not hold a grudge. We are now at a point where we can swear at eachother and sit down for supper an hour later smiling. We are pretty passionate and stubborn and both like things done our own way. It’s hard to compromise when he is wrong, but you gotta give a little ☺

        Liked by 1 person

      2. honestme363

        Or you could be like my gma who pretended she was completely deaf whenever grandpa asked her anything. He would get so frustrated he would do it all himself and she would secretly smile. 55 years they were married. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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