No More Clean Clothes for You

It happened almost 20 days ago, I was washing a load of clothes which I left in the washer for an hour or more during lunch/ CDubs nap time. I go into the laundry room and begin to transfer clothes over to the dryer. At first, nothing seems amiss, until I get towards the bottom of the drum.

The clothes are sopping wet. WTF. I toss those clothes back in and choose the spin cycle. It won’t spin, the lid lock keeps unlocking. Huh. I get it to work and wonder what’s going on but, it spun and I have clothes to dry and a baby to entertain.

This happens a couple more times. We call our repairman, the one we have been provided with due to our 5 year extended warranty (it was so worth buying btw), get it tinkered on and… It still doesn’t work. Now, my clothes stop getting clean. My towels are… The smell of man and baby barf won’t wash out in one wash! (If I can get it to go through the wash cycle, that is!) What’s going on?!

Long story short, after many visits, many parts replaced, it had been decided by the higher powers of warranty enforcers that my washer just gave up the ghost.  No understanding how or why it was having issues, it just was. It would cost more to try to figure that out with parts than to just give us a refund. That’s what happened too, we received 15 days later, a full store credit refund.

Washers have advanced in the past 4 years. Did you know some have cellphone linked diagnostic programs?! It like something Iron Man would have: “Jarvis, my whites aren’t getting white, what’s up with that?”

So we see, at Lowes, this beautiful LG washer, $579 large load, multiple cycle lengths, hand wash mode (really?), steaming capabilities, that diagnostic program I mentioned , glass lid with hydraulics to keep the lid from slamming… Super washer. It has stuff a washer doesn’t need but…

It really was the most Epic, most Mary Sue of a washer there was except, on the glass, a small plastic sticker warned: “Do not wash water-resistant or water proof, or plastic materials in machine.”

Wait… I understand maybe washing floor mats is beneath the likes of this machine but… My son’s diapers have water-resistant coating inside…


I call over the appliance associate, and we locate the owner’s manual on this fine machine and try to track down what this sticker means for me, if I buy this luxurious machine. It’s important, we have years of poopy diapers yet.

We discover, these materials float to the top of the barrel in this machine because there is no agitator to drag down the fabrics/ mats. So they float and do not get clean. Think boat on the water.

Wait, my old machine didn’t have an agitator. My diapers sometimes didn’t get clean…. Maybe never got clean!

But, why, how?! Who decides to make washers that don’t wash all the fabrics?!


I mean obviously, I often saw they didn’t get clean the first time. So I would wash and wash… Then I built up detergent residue on the diapers and they developed a smell (barnyard stink) and I had to strip the diapers… And unknowingly, I was starting the cycle of not really cleaning the diapers all over again. (Pun not intended)

I’m in the middle of Lowes having this revelation, and explaining this to Ryan and a probably baffled and confused sales associate.

I don’t want the Epic washer. “Do you guys have something basic with an agitator? Something low tech that is energy-efficient?”

He raises an eyebrow, but nods, and takes us to the end of the row, to a GE washer. It’s smaller, it has no buttons, just dials, one water sensor inside, but you have the option of choosing water levels too. There is no detergent tray, the fabric softener comes out of the agitator and is put in that way as well.  No digital screens, no locking lids, no programmable anything. Just a machine, for $349 that you can wash whatever the hell you want in it.

“Yes, we want this one, with a 5 year warranty (just to be safe) please.”

On Tuesday, I will finally have the chance to wear fully washed clothing once more. CDubs can go back to his cloth diapers! Now I know, sometimes high-tech things aren’t the best things.
(It also had 1500 positive reviews (4 and 5 star) and 5 negative (2 and 1 star) reviews.)


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