It was my Sophomore or Junior year of College, I was enrolled in a mandatory Religion class. I went to a Methodist College so, I understood why they had that requirement.
Our professor was a very cool person, she had her hair dyed to match Rouge from Xmen. (At least that’s who I thought of when I saw her hair.) I mean really, who does that? Fantastic.
One day in class, she got into an argument with a very devout Christian, who from his statements, took the bible at it’s word. She was trying to argue that, the Bible is and was a guide on how people were to live under God at the time. That the Bible is metaphorical in many ways and can be interpreted in many ways as well. (Past and present uses)
Well this did not sit well with the student, and as I said, an argument started. The class took sides during this argument. Many chose to not question what they were originally taught. In frustration, the professor said we were like sheep for most of our lives; just taking what our pastor or others have said, at their word, and never researching or discovering anything different.
That really hit me. I was very much a sheep when it came to religion, but also in other areas of my life.
I wanted everyone to like peaches. Specifically, the peachy keen me. I bent over backwards for people that used and abused me and I let them. Often I would agree on one side with one person and turn around and agree with the opposing side with another. I wasn’t trying to be two faced, I was just trying to please everyone. The idea of anyone disliking me was upsetting. It was impossible, I had to fix it!
It was, ridiculous. Why do people need to find favor with everyone? Sometimes we meet people and we know instantly if we like them or not.
So why do we feel the need to “win that person over?”
I cannot tell you why others do it but, I can tell you why I did. Or at least why I think I did.
I never really had friends in Elementary and middle school. I had people that, for whatever reason, I spent my school day with. I would constantly try to prove to these people I was worthy of their love and admiration. Most of them used that to get material objects, for me to take the fall for incidents…. It was very bad, and yet, I kept coming back for more.
I needed someone to love me. I wasn’t feeling it at home. Everyone was busy or, they would rather read about people that were not real, instead of interacting with me.
So I tried to make everyone love me and in order to do that, I hurt people, I let myself get into trouble for them, but I never achieved my goal. These people still didn’t like me, I didn’t gain any respect or love and I wouldn’t. It wasn’t anything I had done, as I said I did everything already!
It changed a little in 7th grade when I met a very good friend who would end up being my longest friendship. She actually, for the most part, liked me for me. After tasting that victory, I began to seek out people who liked me for me. It took awhile and there were some misses but, I found who I thought cared for me really.
There was still one problem. I was still trying to please them all the time. I was weak minded and just followed them about, doing what they wanted, took their advice as what I should certainly do, and overall not think for myself.
None of these overall good people did this to hurt me, and I believe they had good intentions.
After the religion class in college, I realized I just let everyone else decide what was best for me, because it was easier and it kept them happy so, they would always love me and stay with me (nope).
However, if that were the case then, did they really like me for being a peach or was I trying to hard to make myself more appealing?
This sparked a lot of change. Instead of listening and accepting , I added my own input and challenge.
I started to demand if you called me on the phone, we were going to talk about my life too, darn it! We are going to see and do things I like as well! If I cannot do something, or if I feel uncomfortable doing it, I wouldn’t.
At the same time, I was dating my now husband. A lot of people did and still do think he was the one that started this change. Some said he manipulated, controlled, and was trying to isolate me. I mean let’s be honest; I had allowed others to do so in the past, it wasn’t a hard stretch of the imagination.
Some of my very worst manipulators didn’t even realize how bad they were, heck I didn’t until I realized that: Advice was advice, you don’t have to take someone’s advice. Or orders.
I was choosing to not go to the club, I was choosing to not get wasted, I was choosing to be a little more selfish. I never really liked doing all of those things, I had just done them to follow, as always. Again, I don’t think people were trying to force me to but, I felt for the first time I could say, “no.”
So naturally it was all my the boyfriend’s, now husband’s, fault. Don’t get me wrong, he did stuff wrong and pissed people off in his own right. So it wasn’t just this issue that drove some people away (I like to think he saw some of these people for who they really were. He never however, ever told me who to be friends with) He wasn’t the great manipulator they thought he was.
I was the one taking charge. I decided. I said no. This peach didn’t care if she was never picked!
I lost a lot of “friends” during and after my transformation (or should I keep with the peach metaphor and say ripening?). Many could not accept I was changing for the better.
The good ones, the true ones, they adapted. We had fights for sure, I pissed them off a lot too. That happens when you suddenly have your own opinion.
It’s good though, I don’t only like peaches, there are plenty of other fruits out there, I think I am married to a pineapple in fact. It’s okay if nobody likes me, as long as it’s me, my opinions, my likes, my dislikes, my personality they dislike.
Then I can thumb my nose at them and get on with my life! (Unless of course they have a valid complaint, to which I think about that complaint, and decide if it’s truly bad or not. You never know, they may have a point… Or just hate peaches!)
Just please the people you love by doing positive things that don’t hurt you. In the end it’s how you lived your life, not theirs. Peaches or no, you are excellent!